Your content isn't working, because you're passive and vague
To sell stuff, you need clear communications that inspire trust. But the language you use may be interfering with your content goals. Why active language (almost) always works better.
I’m a content writer for B2B IT companies. I explain complicated tech stuff to managers who are considering spending big bucks on some IT solution or development project. Like, millions of bucks. My clients need customer trust, and loads of it. To earn that trust, they need clear communication and transparency.
Using passive voice in your copy adds unnecessary length to your sentences, while obscuring information at the same time. This makes text harder to read and suggests to the reader that you’re hiding details from them.
Example: rephrasing research data
Let me give you an example, from a research paper I co-wrote for a client:
“15% of people interviewed feel that outdoor advertising for online gambling should be restricted”.
Not only does this sound dull as hell, it also hides vital information. Because the passive voice does not require us to specify who should be doing the restricting. So, let’s rephrase:
“15% of people interviewed feel that the government should restrict outdoor advertising for online gambling.”
Now, we’ve forced ourselves to add additional information (‘the government’). And, the sentence now ends with a powerful noun, giving it a better rhythm. There’s still room for improvement, though, because there’s vagueness here, beyond the passive voice. Let’s clarify who ‘people’ are, shall we:
“15% of the 1046 people we interviewed, feel that the government should restrict outdoor advertising for online gambling.”
Now we’re talking. Concrete numbers always get readers’ attention, so mentioning the sample size will add credibility to this statement and communicate your capability to execute large-scale consumer research. Which happened to be the product, in this case.
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Don’t use vague, passive language to hide your screw-ups
Clarity and trust are also important in client communications. Because, sometimes, you screw up. And when you do, your first impulse is to hide your error.
That’s ok. It’s human nature. But when communicating with customers about it, you should be as open and clear as you possibly can be.
So, please don’t say:
‘Your invoice seems to have been misplaced’
When you really mean:
‘I forgot to send your invoice to accounting.’
Being specific about screw-ups is scary, but it works wonders for client trust.
Details and trust
So, generally, using active voice will force you to use more details in your sentences and inspire trust.
I say ‘generally’ because language is a complex thing, and there are many perfectly legitimate reasons to use passive voice in marketing copy and client communication. Dan Brotzel, over at Econsultancy, wrote a great piece on this.
Like everything in copywriting, using active or passive voice should be a conscious decision. Many subject matter experts — consciously or subconsciously — use passive voice and other non-committal language to take the edge of the ideas they are sharing.
That will hurt your marketing message because you need that edge to stand out online.
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Don’t be a politician
When choosing your words, don’t be the politician saying ‘mistakes were made’. Be the trustworthy business partner that says ‘sorry, I screwed up’.
Don’t be the power company that writes ‘your rates are being adjusted’, when they really mean ‘we are raising your rates’.
The main goal of all marketing copy should be to clearly and boldly express your vision, the features and benefits of your product and how these will improve the lives of your prospective customer, while at the same time building trust.
Using active and concrete language will help you do that.
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