Bad writers are constantly getting in their own way. And it’s sad because they usually have the requisite talent. But they are constantly hung up on the wrong things.

I know this from experience. You could say I am an expert at being a bad writer.

I keep telling people this, but it took me a while to realise it, so I’ll probably harp on it for a while. From the time I graduated college until I was almost 30, I spent most of my time not writing - even though my dream was to be a writer.

Stupid, right?

I used to bemoan and regret this fact and while it certainly is regrettable — because lost productivity, gahhhhhh, nothing could be worse!  I’ve learned that if I just shift my perspective by taking a step or two off to the side and look at it from a different angle, I actually didn’t waste my time.

Not exactly.

I just spent that time becoming an expert on other things. I am an expert on not writing, I am an expert on being a bad writer, I am an expert on the best ways to not have a fulfilling existence as a writer. I know all the tips and tricks.

I can get you where you want to go by telling you all the things I did over the last decade that were the wrong things — the absolute worst things. This way, you can make sure to keep yourself clear of them and actually find success rather than end up an expert non-writer (doofus) like me. You. Are. Welcome.

Alright now, let’s get to the business.

1. You love to hate other people’s work

God, other writers suck, don’t they? You are so much better than them it’s insane. How the hell are people reading this crap and liking it? It’s so deeply, deeply unfair and unjust. True genius is never recognised, it never gets its just due.

The amount of shitty, sloppy writers who churn out pure garbage and yet still succeed just proves the world isn’t ready for your writing because they probably wouldn’t appreciate it anyway. It would be wasted on them, those morons. You could do what they do. Easily. And you could do it a thousand times better. But you’re an artist. You are noble and pure. You are special.

Except the thing is, you’re not. You’re just like them and they’re just like you. The difference is they have the courage to put themselves out there and have some skin in the game. They are putting themselves on the line, critics and naysayers be damned. They write and they hit publish. And they do it again despite the fear and uncertainty that comes with this life. They press on undeterred.

It’s harder to be a creator than a critic. You’re just taking the easy, less painful way out.

2. You talk about it, read about it, and think about it more than you actually do it

You’ve read Stephen King’s memoir, On Writing. You can quote whole passages, word for word, by memory. You’ve studied the work of Joseph Campbell and learned all about the stages of The Hero’s Journey. You’ve taken courses on how to write and make money from it. You’ve read far and wide, scoured the earth for the routines, tips, tricks, and hidden gems employed by the masters of the craft.

But somehow, through all that searching, you seem to have missed the one fundamental truth, the only secret there is to this whole thing. You actually have to write to be a writer. As Neil Gaiman once said, “it’s that easy, and that hard.” No amount of study, discussion, or preparation is a substitute for time spent with your ass in the chair, doing the work.

3. You don’t finish things…like anything, ever

You’ve been ‘working’ on that novel for years now. Remember when you tweeted it out and put it in your Instagram bio and got all those fake internet points that made you feel great for like two days? That was awesome, wasn’t it?

But when’s the last time you actually wrote anything that had even a little bit to do with that novel? Be honest with yourself. It was like two years ago, wasn’t it? Yeah, I figured as much.

Listen up, dumbass. You haven’t even written a short story. You can’t keep up with your lame ass blog either. What makes you think you can tackle a novel? You don’t have the chops, not yet. So shut up about it.

You’re embarrassing yourself. You wanna call yourself a writer? Fine. Do it and get on with it. But the new rule is you don’t get to mouth off on social media about your projects and not follow through, that is the hallmark of a wannabe, hack-fraud— the worst kind of writer there is.

Finishing things changes your life as a writer. It is 90% of the battle. There are a zillion writers out there. But most of them have a reputation for never finishing anything or for being sporadic with the work that they do manage to produce.

Only a very small percentage of writers finish and publish on a consistent basis. Finishing puts you in elite company.

4. You won’t subject your work to criticism

What do they know anyway? Why subject yourself to a writer’s group critique or peer reviews. Heck, why even hit publish and let people read and comment? They won’t understand you. Besides, it’s not ready yet. It’s not perfect.

And if we’re being honest, you don’t need feedback. You are an artist, remember? You are focused on doing something truly special. You are pure and noble. You are above these lowly things that ordinary writers subject themselves to. You don’t need feedback.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Stop protecting your ego. You need feedback. You need constructive criticism. It doesn’t matter what approach you take — working with an editor and rewriting over and over or if you just want to hit publish, react to feedback or lack thereof and try to do better the next time. Both approaches have tons of merit.

But make sure you show your writing to someone else. Incorporate the feedback that makes it better and get it out into the world. That’s the only way to get better.

Conclusion…

The tragic truth is that bad writers rarely suffer from a lack of talent. They suffer from easily correctable things like jealousy, fear, inconsistency, and a lack of a work ethic. I’d hate to see you be one of them because I’m willing to bet you have more than enough talent to be a good writer, maybe even a great one. You just need to get out of your own way.

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